Christmas Cake

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To Mrs K____, On Her Sending Me an English Christmas Plum-Cake at Paris

by Helen Maria Williams (1761-1827)
 
What crowding thoughts around me wake,
What marvels in a Christmas-cake!
Ah say, what strange enchantment dwells
Enclosed within its odorous cells?
Is there no small magician bound
Encrusted in its snowy round?
For magic surely lurks in this,
A cake that tells of vanished bliss;
A cake that conjures up to view
The early scenes, when life was new;
When memory knew no sorrows past,
And hope believed in joys that last! —
Mysterious cake, whose folds contain
Life’s calendar of bliss and pain;
That speaks of friends for ever fled,
And wakes the tears I love to shed.
Oft shall I breathe her cherished name
From whose fair hand the offering came:
For she recalls the artless smile
Of nymphs that deck my native isle;
Of beauty that we love to trace,
Allied with tender, modest grace;
Of those who, while abroad they roam,
Retain each charm that gladdens home,
And whose dear friendships can impart
A Christmas banquet for the heart!

The Great Fruitcake Toss

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Every year since 1995 Manitou Springs, Colorado has held a Fruitcake Toss competition. Contestants are judged on distance, accuracy, balance, and taste. They may bring their own fruitcake or rent one from the organizers; propulsion can be achieved by hand, mechanical or pneumatic devices, or three-man slingshots. Leftover cakes (preservative free) are donated to a local animal farm.

Père Fouettard

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Père Fouettard, or Père Fouchette

            Father Switch, from Fr. fouet, birch rod. A companion to the gift-bringer in France, he carries switches with which to threaten bad children and gives advice as to which children to reward. His usual costume is a dark-coloured robe and a scraggly grey beard. The basket he wears on his back is to carry away bad boys and girls.

La Fee des Etoiles

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La Fée des Etoiles or the Star Fairy was a character added to Quebec Christmas lore by the Dupuis Frères department store in Montreal in the 1920s. Dressed in a gorgeous gown, wearing a tiara, and waving a star-tipped wand, she was conceived of as a sidekick to Père Noël, Father Christmas. She would accompany him on his float during the annual parade and hand out little treats to children at the store during shopping hours.

 

By the 1950s she was popular enough to be given her own float, appear on radio and television and portrayed by famous French-Canadian women such as athletes and actresses.

The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen

Home / Christmas / The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen

A cheeky parody of the classic Christmas carol:

The restroom door said gentlemen, so I just walked insideI took two steps and realized I’ve been taken for a rideI heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupiedBy two nuns, three old ladies and a nurseWhat could be worse?Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
 
The restroom door said gentlemen, it must have been a gagAs soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hagShe sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bagI could tell this wouldn’t be my dayWhat can I say?It just wasn’t turning out to be my day
 
The restroom door said gentlemen and I’d would like to findThe crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the signs‘Cause I got two black eyes and one high heel up my behindNow I can’t sit with comfort and joyBoy, oh boyNow I’ll never sit with comfort and joy