Christmas Every Day

Words fail me.

Big Chief put his war paint on and kissed his squaw goodbye
Throw away his pipe of peace, and went to do or die
He said, “Uncle Sammy feeds me, gives me all I get
Now that Uncle Sammy needs me, Big Chief no forget”

Chorus:
Big Chief’s on his way to Berlin, just to do his share
Big Chief’s goin’ to make ’em squawk
When he hits ’em with his tomahawk
Big Chief’s goin’ to scalp the Kaiser, take away his gun
Oh! oh he have heap much fun
Goodbye Herman, no more German
Big Chief Kill-a-Hun

Pershing wants to catch the Kaiser, take him live or dead
Big chief says he’s satisfied if he can get his head
There will be no more Budweiser, in the Kaiser’s brew
All he’s goin’ to get to drink will be some Waterloo

Canadians were also willing to set the Kaiser to rights, according to his piece of sheet music.

I always thought that “Yanks” and “doughboys” were the nicknames for American soldiers in World War I. Who knew that there was a brief craze for “Sammies” as in “Uncle Sam’s boys”?

Apparently, they liked to smoke.

Two observations about this one: (1) those are awfully effeminate-looking warriors (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and (2) they were incorrectly using apostrophes to pluralize even back then.

Here an Uncle Sam in shirt-sleeves uses a left jab to give it to the Kaiser. How merry it must have been to sing this around the parlor piano.

Here a French and American officer look approvingly on a group of American enlisted men who appear to be practising the French national anthem, so as to pass it on to “the Hun”. The Germans had a number of nicknames in World War I: “Fritz”, “the Boche”, “the Heinies”, but the most offensive was “Hun”. Kaiser Wilhelm had urged his troops being sent to China to quell the Boxer Rebellion to behave like Huns, and the name stuck.

We all rightly the lament the murder of Tsar Nicholas II and his family by his Bolshevik captors in 1918 but we forget that his overthrow in February 1917 was widely hailed in the West. Here is some sheet music that celebrated the toppling of the Romanov dynasty.

Everybody Took a Kick at Nicholas

Mister Romanoff who was the Russian ruler,/Now is roamin’ off to where the weather’s cooler;

Just twinkle little Czar,/We’re glad you’re where you are.

Every gate is locked up with a big Kerens key,

He’s all alone,/Nick and his Queen, his old Czardine

Were thrown off the throne.

Everybody took a kick at Nicholas/He was kicked in the nick of time.

They took his motor car,/Drove him far,

Let him in the woods and said,/“Now there you’se are.”

Left-o-witch or Right-o-witch took all his coins away,

I really don’t know which is which but that is what they say;

That “every body took a kick at Nicholas/And Nicholas is nickeless now.”

Nick once sat upon a throne and gave out orders/Now he’s got a 12-room flat and takes in boarders;

And that Rasputin gent,/Owes Nick a whole month’s rent.

Mister Nick is married to the Kaiser’s sisters/She cooks his meals

Where sauerkraut, pushed in his mouth/Just think how poor Nick feels.

Now the Czarine says, “there’s no disputin’ why I cry,

It’s all because I miss the way Rasputin winked his eye.”

So “everybody took a kick at Nicholas/And Nicholas is nickeless now.”