You can hide, but you can’t run.
To the handicapped guy who stole my bag …
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/ Something Wise / To the handicapped guy who stole my bag …
We have a genetic predisposition to diarrhea
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/ Something Wise / We have a genetic predisposition to diarrhea
It runs in our jeans.
Parallel lines have so much in common…
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/ Something Wise / Parallel lines have so much in common…
It’s a pity they will never meet.
Want to hear a word I just made up?
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/ Something Wise / Want to hear a word I just made up?
Plagiarism.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
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/ Something Wise / What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
I’m sorry about this one
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/ Something Wise / I’m sorry about this one
A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
The bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line.”
The guy looks around, but there is no punch line
In this economy, you take what you can get.
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/ Something Wise / In this economy, you take what you can get.
I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.
Caveat something or other
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/ Something Wise / Caveat something or other
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
Well…
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/ Something Wise / Well…
So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
My wife didn’t get this
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/ Something Wise / My wife didn’t get this
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks.”
I said “Don’t mention it.”