I want to share something with you – the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one: “Cover for me.” Number two: “Oh, good idea, boss.” Number three: “It was like that when I got here.”
Or in Spanish:
The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let’s see. Don’t tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. What else … And there’s nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned.
Marge: We don’t think you’re slow. But on the other hand, it’s not like you go to museums or read books or anything.
Homer: Do you think I don’t want to? It’s those TV networks Marge. They won’t let me. One quality show after another, each one more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once – just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves. But they won’t, they won’t let me live.
What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as “The process of removing weeds from one’s garden.”
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel.
Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one!
