If something is to hard to do, then it’s not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we’ll go inside and watch TV.
Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like a… a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… [spots his can of Duff] Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! [downs the beer] But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you’re not interested?
Marge: Well, honey, when I…
Homer: Let me handle this, Marge, I’ve heard ’em all. “I like you as a friend.” “I think we should see other people.” “I don’t speak English.” “I’m married to the sea.” “I don’t wanna kill you, but I will.” … Six simple words: “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.”
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else – and it hasn’t – it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
