More from the 2016 Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest:
Winner, Historical Fiction:
It was the worst of times, although I suppose if I were really pressed I could come up with a time in history even worse than the French Revolution, such as the Black Death, to name but one, but on the other hand it has to be said that it was also the best of times, particularly for those of us that were rich and living in England rather than France.
— Michael D. Hill, Burton, England
“It was a dark and stormy night”. These now-clichéd words were penned by Sir Arthur Bulwer-Lytton, a famous 19th-century novelist who gave us The Last Days of Pompeii. Now, however, he is the namesake of a contest for the world’s worst opening sentence. Hundreds of contestants from around the world submit their own efforts in various genres and become, for a moment, famous. This month we will feature some of these classic duds.
Here is the 2016 Winner in the Children’s Literature section:
When your home smells like a three-week-old buffalo carcass, your Mom is constantly being mistaken for a guy, and your sisters keep using your ears as their personal chew toys, life is no laughing matter—at least that’s how it seemed to Hubert, the baby Hyena.
— Anna McDougald, Winnipeg, Manitoba
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.
Or is it just me?
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
It was tense.
Make me one with everything
And then it hit me.
and a lifetime ban from the Winnipeg Zoo.